RecipeWreck

Ingredients:

1 extra-large, freshly made funnel cake (this is your "tortilla," a greasy canvas for the masterpiece of poor decisions to come) 1 gallon peanut oil 1 full slice of New York-style cheesecake, frozen solid (the dense, icy core of this caloric black hole) 3 scoops of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream (to ensure immediate brain freeze and a diabetic coma chaser) 1 cup of bacon bits, candied in maple syrup 1/2 cup Hershey's chocolate shell sauce (the delicious, quick-hardening cement holding this monstrosity together) 1 sleeve of Oreos, crushed (for that delightful, gritty texture that says "I've given up on my teeth") 1 can of extra-creamy whipped cream (from a can, naturally, for that authentic taste of aerosol and regret) A stick of butter (the unsung hero, greasing the wheels of this entire digestive disaster)

Ingredients:

1 cup full-fat mayonnaise (the richer, the better, ideally a whole-egg variety) 1 cup crushed butter crackers (like Ritz, for that extra buttery crunch) 1/2 cup finely shredded sharp cheddar cheese (because why stop at mayo?) 1/4 cup crumbled bacon bits (the real kind, not the soy stuff) 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 large eggs, beaten 4 cups vegetable oil (or lard, if you're truly committed) for deep frying Optional: A sprinkle of powdered sugar for "balance" (don't ask, just do it)

Ingredients:

1 can (12 oz) Spam, preferably the "Less Sodium" kind (we need some illusion of health, right?) 1 cup granulated white sugar 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed 1/4 cup corn syrup (for that extra sticky, sugary sheen) 1/2 stick (4 oz) unsalted butter, melted 1/4 cup heavy whipping cream 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (to make it taste less like pure sugar and more like... dessert Spam?) 1/2 cup mini marshmallows (for textural contrast and another sugar hit) A generous handful of sprinkles (because why not?)